Well
I'd like to make a new post, because it's been awhile....I don't know what to say. I guess that I'm tired. Sometimes I look at my old posts and I think they're stupid and I think about deleting them, but that is the whole point of the blog for me. To just say WTF I feel like and let it be whatever it is. So that's the point.
E is now almost 11 mo. She's getting so big. Almost walking.
I'm thinking about going back to work. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it. One part of me thinks: she is so little, she will only be small for a few years, this will matter to her life.
the other part of me is getting tired, and wants to put my self back on the agenda.
here's something that is frustrating to me: why couldn't there be some flexibility so that i could work 30 hrs. and her dad could work 30 hrs, and we could have flexible schedules and stuff? why not?
well, it's not happening. and if I don't go back to work, then it's another however many months of 60 hours a week by myself with a young child, and i am starting to feel less patient with the situtation. and plus, the whole money thing.
and then i am pulled. i have invested a lot in this relationship with her. i love her little sweetness.
will she feel abandoned?
will she, like me, sit in therapy and bitch about her clueless mother?
probably.
probably.