my favorite breastfeeding icon

i just think this one is sweet. i'm liking it, although i understand why it wasn't picked as a finalist.

Mothering's Breastfeeding Symbol Contest

Text copied from Mothering.com:

The purpose of an international symbol for breastfeeding is to increase public awareness of breastfeeding, to provide an alternative to the use of a baby bottle image to designate baby friendly areas in public, and to mark breastfeeding friendly facilities.

Of course, breastfeeding does not require a special place and is appropriate—as the Canadian government's slogan says—"anytime, anywhere." The purpose of the symbol is not to segregate breastfeeding, but to help integrate it into society by better accommodating it in public.

For example, sometimes there are no chairs in public, sometimes nowhere to change the baby, or for the mother separated from her baby, nowhere to plug in an electric breast pump. Mothers welcome quiet, private places in public where they can collect themselves and their children. The symbol could designate these kinds of places.

Well
I'd like to make a new post, because it's been awhile....I don't know what to say. I guess that I'm tired. Sometimes I look at my old posts and I think they're stupid and I think about deleting them, but that is the whole point of the blog for me. To just say WTF I feel like and let it be whatever it is. So that's the point.
E is now almost 11 mo. She's getting so big. Almost walking.
I'm thinking about going back to work. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it. One part of me thinks: she is so little, she will only be small for a few years, this will matter to her life.
the other part of me is getting tired, and wants to put my self back on the agenda.
here's something that is frustrating to me: why couldn't there be some flexibility so that i could work 30 hrs. and her dad could work 30 hrs, and we could have flexible schedules and stuff? why not?
well, it's not happening. and if I don't go back to work, then it's another however many months of 60 hours a week by myself with a young child, and i am starting to feel less patient with the situtation. and plus, the whole money thing.
and then i am pulled. i have invested a lot in this relationship with her. i love her little sweetness.
will she feel abandoned?
will she, like me, sit in therapy and bitch about her clueless mother?
probably.
probably.

My thoughts on education

Recently, I was browsing through the Po Bronson blog, and they were talking about education. And I started writing a post that quickly became a rant of topics. So I am going to write my own little series addressing the different topics, instead of trying to tackle them all in one distorted blob. I'm not trying to be journalistic. I'm just sounding-off my life experience.

On Being a Mom

This is really quite something. E is 6 months old yesterday. And I feel proud. I'm doing something good.


What a lot of angst I have about being a mom. What does it mean? What does it require? Do I cease to exist in the cause of "the family"? Ugh. And inspite of all my intellectual contrivances, I see myself as I am holding this baby, and there is a sense of rightness in it. It is just about the only thing in my life that I am sure of in my gut. So that makes it a place to start. A part of my path, not a stumbling block.

I hate my mom. And I am tempted to hedge it with long explanations of how I love her and hate her and blah, blah, blah. But there it is. I hate her. She abandoned me as a child and she has abandoned me as an adult, to process the pain alone. And if she loved me and did her best, how can I justify damaging the next generation? How can I justify becoming a mother? When I know that the outcome, no matter how much work and therapy I do, is pain.

And I think it is requiring me to redefine what a mom should be, and what a human should be. I am human, a person whose nature is to make mistakes. and that has to be okay. To be a parent does not mean to shield myself or my child from pain. It is to learn and try to model how to process pain, how to grieve, how to take responsibility for hurt, how to not take it out on others. To be a parent is to see and acknowledge my kid and her feelings--all of them--and accept and love them. It is to tell the truth. And to keep talking when it might feel more comfortable to run away or to blame or deny. Ending the shame. To be a parent is to be honest with myself about what I see in my life and in E's life, and to take what action I can.

So this is mom-dom as I see it. "Oh shit. I'm a mom." :)

A taboo thought

I hate my parents. They suck.

tattoo!

So here it is.... It's nearly healed up now. I am going back on Sat. to get shading done, and then I will have to do the whole healing up process again. But I like it a lot. :)

My thoughts on the economy

In a way, lifting the “entrenched” underclass is only laterally related to education. If more of the underclass were well educated they may have more know-how to work the system in their favor, but that does not change the economics of it. Making it about their lack of education avoids taking personal responsibility for their situation.

We put our money where we put our value. And in capitalist America, we value the bottom line. We don’t want to pay a living wage to grocery store clerks, garbage collectors, construction workers or daycare providers. We prefer to buy our goods “made in China, Mexico, Bangladesh, etc.”, meaning we get our toys and furniture and clothing at practically slave labor prices. Our economy is way out of balance, and we are comfortable with that.

All people should be paid a fair wage for an honest day of work, regardless of education. We as a society put a dollar sign attached to education; we make education into a bottom line. We dishonor service positions, calling them “non-professional” and “menial labor”.

I’ve just recently been thinking about this, because we just bought a new desk for the office, and one of the salesman was talking about the manager of the store visiting the plant in China, where they had built a sort of work camp for the laborers in the plant. I don’t know if they had their families with them or not, but that seems kind of crazy to me. Also, a friend of mine has recently been transitioning and is working at Central Market, a favorite foodie grocery store of mine. But the pay is shitty and she can’t get her manager to give her a straight answer on health insurance. The woman has a college degree, and she can’t make enough to cover expenses for a single person – she doesn’t have any kids to provide for, just herself. That’s messed up. I was surprised that even at a store in which the wealthy shop, where the overhead is probably high, corporate profit trumps treating people with decency. Maybe that's naive.

It reminds me of the pre-civil war South, with it’s affluence and power created on the backs of slaves. Except now we don’t see the people who live across the tracks, on the East side of town, or across national borders. We just go to Wal-mart, where they are driving down costs. Anyway, I think maybe I’ll start looking at my manufacturing labels a little closer, and ponder ways that I can put my money where my mouth is on this issue.

Tattoo!!!!

Yesterday, Saturday, I got my first and only tattoo. and it's just awesome. I still have to go back to get the shading done, but it is still quite impressive. I got an orchid on my lower left back and I'll take a picture soon. It's still a little red(i have sensitive skin), but it's going to be beautiful - like me! That's the whole point. :) Anyway, this is a picture that I used, and I'll be posting the real thing in a bit. Yippee Skippy!